Saturday, June 10, 2017

When Mess Is Good

I feel down today. I miss my house in Indonesia, I miss my parents, my nephews, I miss the variety of food available in Jakarta, I miss my clothes, my accessories, my soft bed, my pillows, I miss my helpers, I miss being out there and feeling alive. Life is good here in Swiss. Life is simple without any drama. Everything is clean, proper, organized. The view? Breathtaking. I mean, the view from our balcony is a freaking mountain, alright. How prettier can it get? Flowers everywhere. The weather is pleasant. Crime rate is low. Air is really clean.

As a human being, there are things you need to connect yourself to. I connect myself to art. To fashion. To the creative industry. To social causes. And all these are not quite a scene here in Switzerland. So as much as I love living a new life here, I do feel empty. It's hard to describe the feeling, I even think S doesn't get it. He just thinks I'm whining for no clear reason. And I love working so much. Running businesses from afar is very different from being hands on directly. You don't get to touch your products, feel the fabrics, direct your models, get dirty with paint and papers and scissors. I miss the mess.

I'm not sure how things will be in the next few months, especially with the presence of our second child. Perhaps I will be occupied and falling in love too much that my emptiness will be filled in a different way. But isn't it interesting? That when I am lucky enough to have a taste of two different sets of life, I question myself even more, which one do I love the most? I really don't know.


Nerissa Rahadianthi said...

Kak Di, I think I understand what you're feeling right now. I've lived abroad once and I liked it so much; no traffic, no pollution, the view was amazing everywhere I looked - but I felt empty. I wanted to meet my parents, my siblings, my best friends and Indonesian foods. I complained a lot about Jakarta being so messy and overpopulated, but still...
It felt weird and I think that's normal. We are just humans who are actually a social-being. We need to connect.

I hope everything will be a lot better for you in Swiss Kak Di. With the presence of the little one! x

Calvin Russell said...

Balik indo kak. Kunjungi juga makasih

kriww said...

Hi Diana, I can totally relate to you... My family have to move to another city every five years due to my husband's office rotation. I felt down too during the first months in new places. The overwhelming feeling of packing and moving, looking for a house to rent...a school for my kids, etc etc...everything seemed daunting and exhausting to me at times. It gets better as time passes, but still, I miss the life I had to live before. Now I live in a small island, everything here is so peaceful and quiet. My kids can play safely by themselves around our neighborhood, something I could never imagine happen in our previous bustling city. I have a lot of spare time to play with the kids because I don't have to commute to work. No traffic. And the seafood is super fresh. But sometimes I miss going to music concerts, even I miss going to malls. Most of all, I miss my friends. Maybe it's the absence of close friends that makes me feel so empty here. I wish I can give you a magic mantra to help you pass this time, but I don't have it. Just hang on, Di, time will heal everything. Everything will be okay and this feeling too shall past. Wish you all the best!

hunz said...

I second that @kriww.. <3



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